I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i need some magic done to my vagina
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
