i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
