If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
