I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
