She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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