The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
