i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize