No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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