Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize