I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
