Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize