So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Congratulations! We have a period
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
