hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
