You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
