Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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