If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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