Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
