he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize