That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
