Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
