belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sorry my hands just texted you
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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