then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
