dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
