you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
