I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
