it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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