Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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