so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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