It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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