They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
