I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize