wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
