Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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