just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
