what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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