I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
