I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
