is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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