I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize