I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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