i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
