Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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