i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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