tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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