didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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