I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
