Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize