He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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