you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
