final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
