Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
