My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
