whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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