So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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