I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize