I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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