He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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