Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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