I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
