he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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