sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize