she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
