we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
