so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize