I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So much rum. So many feels.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
