Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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