We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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