how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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