is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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