oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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