I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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