we're making bets on your personal life
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
