I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
