everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
